Wir lieben Konsens

should I get my socks?

Posted on: 19. Juli 2012

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Yesterday I have been tango dancing with someone I haven’t seen since last summer and it was really good. We switched from leading to following from time to time and ze had to wear on socks (instead of dancing barefeet) when ze was following.
Usually we negotiated who was leading verbally through saying „Do you want to lead or follow?“, „I’d rather prefere to follow now.“ or „I love that song, can I lead it?“
But at some point ze said while we were dancing „Should I get my socks?“ and that made me laugh. Why? Because it perfectly remembered me of saying „should I get a condom?“
Both questions can mean different things, so this is a pretty weird way to ask for consent.

„Should I get my socks?“ might mean
– i would like to follow. now!
– do you want to lead?
– i want to be prepared for the next switch.
– i just noticed that the floor here is not so cool, do you mind if we pause right now so i can get my socks?
(…)

„should i get a condom?“ might mean
– i want to fuck. now!
– i might want to fuck later and i don’t want to get up and get a condom then.
– i want us to be super safe.
– a blowjob would be nice.
(…)

a situation i have been in a several times was like this:
„should i get a condome?“
„yes, why not.“
getting it, putting it on. looking at me with expectations.
„hey, you just asked me if you should get a condom, not if I want to fuck. maybe i want to fuck later.“
really disappointed look. „but i meant… “ „yeah, that’s not the same.“

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